Commitment in Polyamorous Relationships
Appendix A: Questions for Thesis Study
These questions were not asked precisely as listed, or in the exact order listed. In addition, some were occasionally omitted if it appeared they had already been answered. Other questions were asked as seemed appropriate in the moment.
- Length of your relationship
- How long polyamorous
- How did you approach poly/become poly
- What types of other relationships do you have? (do you relate separately, together, do you have sex in relationships, at sex parties, with people you just met ...).
- Do you know each other's lovers, do you spend time with them? Do you have a friendship or emotional connection with them? Are you sexual with them?
- Are there interests that you share with your lovers that you don't share with your primary partner?
- How close are you to your other lovers (do you talk about your feelings for each other, about feelings in general, how much do you share about your life, do you feel understood, do you trust them)?
- How close are you emotionally to your primary partner? (What do you share or not share with each other about activities and feelings? Do you trust each other? Do you feel understood, respected, appreciated? Do you feel that way towards your partner?)
- How would you describe your sex life with your primary partner, and with your other lovers. Is one better than the other? Are there things you share with one and not the other?
- What kind of relationships would you like (what is your ideal)?
- What types of ground rules/agreements do you have?
- Do you have children? What do you tell them? How old are they? How has your lifestyle affected them?
- How do you think polyamory has affected your life? (including your relationship with your partner and with yourself)
- Do you ever experience jealousy? (defined as feelings of discomfort, either minor or major, when a person you love is developing a relationship or being sexual with another person. This includes envy, fear of loss, issues around time, competitiveness, fear of comparison, etc.).
- Are you ever concerned about growing apart? About your paths taking you separate directions?
- Have you thought about splitting up, and if so, what prompted those thoughts?
- How do you maintain your primary bond with each other? (What has kept you together as a couple)
- Are there some activities that you reserve for each other?
- How do you handle New Relationship Energy? (the excitement that occurs when you're falling in love with a new person)
- What does commitment mean to you?
- What is your commitment to your primary partner?
- What do you think poly couples should know about commitment?
- What are the benefits of being a couple?
- What do you consider to be the benefits of being polyamorous?
- What are the challenges or drawbacks of being polyamorous?
- Is there anything else would you like me to know about your relationship, or any questions you wish I had asked?
(c) 2005 by Elaine Cook